Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
