He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
