she was so not down for the gang bang
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
