Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
