for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
