Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
