Please, let me fuck your mom
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
