I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No subtext here. People are naked.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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