the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
