i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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