Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
