i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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