dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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