I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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