Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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