there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
