The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
