Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
