don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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