Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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