went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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