Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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