so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize