Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
