Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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