My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
