oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
