Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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