i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i will never coherently bang her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
