matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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