drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He kissed a someone with a penis
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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