I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We left the knife in your bed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
