there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
