i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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