I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
