I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
