just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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