loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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