He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's never too late to be topless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
