I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
