So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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