We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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