we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
