Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
