Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
