The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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