he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
