it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
