fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
