I am puke
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize