I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
