I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
