I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
