no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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