the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
