i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
