I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
