I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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