I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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