Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
