I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
