She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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