He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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