yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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