My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
