I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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