The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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