The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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