Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
