I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Success! We fucked roommates!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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