YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
