Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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