I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
