Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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