I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your penis caused this!
tell me about the fingering
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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