I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
