maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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