He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
