We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
