eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
