one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
