I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
