I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
