Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
